hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
