im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
