Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
