The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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