were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
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Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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