I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
