we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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