Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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