So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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