I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
