he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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