Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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