So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
