It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
