Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
