dude i'm inner monologue high
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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