So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
