i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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