All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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