I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
