Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
