i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
