I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
