you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
