When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
