turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
