I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
