Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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