wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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