Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
