I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
