Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
