So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
