I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
