you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
