Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
