I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
