You're so nebulous sometimes
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
