Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
