No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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