He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
