Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
