Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize