if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
whose parrot is this?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
