i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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