y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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