this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
