Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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