OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
