if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
