Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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