well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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