@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
