Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
