update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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