I've blown a few things in my day
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he just fucked me for my cheese.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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