ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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