why didn't you poke me back
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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