Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
