I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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