..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
