then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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