I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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