sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
