Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Small penises have feelings too.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
