There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
