I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
