its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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