Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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