I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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