You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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