He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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