his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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